Hope Hiding

As most of you know this week has been crappy for me. I haven't really said why, except to close friends and family, and I won't except to close few. I am not perfect, I have never pretended to be and I am the first to admit my own faults. I don't try to minimize my own wrongdoings by making others look bad, it is childish and hateful, and I don't want to be consumed with those feelings. What has been said about, published about me, hurt me to the core. It seems the more I ignore it the more it shows up, but I guess that is my cross to bear. I have enough confidence in my friends and family that they will recognize the source and ignore it as it should be, but it hurts all the same. As I was struggling with the feelings I have felt over this, I clicked to read a friend's blog, I never got around to the reading of it because of the song that was playing in the background "Hope Hiding" by Michael McLean. Michael McLean is an LDS artist but you don't have to even believe in God to have his songs speak to you. It really is just a simple song...a simple song that can mean the world when you need to hear the words like I did. It is amazing to me how the answers come when you are ready to hear them. You can select this song from my playlist if you want to listen to it.

"Whatever you do don't look down, that's all the advice they can give.
But you keep looking down cause you think that's where everything is
Its harder to see things can change that night can be conquered at dawn
cause the darkness you feel is unbearably real and strong
Its just how it goes, no matter what you do, the way through the fog has been hidden from view

But around every corner though you're unaware
protected by Grace in the face of despair
There is hope hiding there.

You might think its strange hope would hide
it seems like a cowardly deed
but its saving it's power for your desperate hour of need
and all of that strength and good it can do awaits being found, safe and sound just for you

Around every corner though you're unaware
protected by Grace in the face of despair
There is hope hiding there.

And ears cannot hear it
and eyes cannot see
but hearts all draw near it if they choose to be

Around every corner though you're unaware
protected by Grace in the face of despair
yes around every corner though you're unaware
protected by Grace in the face of despair

THERE IS HOPE HIDING THERE"

Wow, it's been months since I blogged.

I just realized it had been forever since I had blogged. I have done a lot on facebook, but not here. Ooops. Well these last 6 months has been a trip, just as life should be.

Hayden, as always, has been the joy of my life. He is such a hoot. I love watching him grow up. He has turned into such a little man.

David and I are approaching the 2 year mark...wow the time does fly. Things are far from perfect, but if it were perfect wouldn't it be boring?

My parents are doing great. My dad has retired (although when I call he is somehow @ work...so I am confused) and they have taken a calling at the Draper Utah Temple. They love it.

Brandon and Summer (my brother and sister-in-law) are now on baby 5. Another boy. I am so excited for them. My niece Tarryn wanted a little sister so much, but this way she gets to stay the only princess of the family.

Brittany and Zane (my sister and brother-in-law) are just that. They have had some people move in and out of their home several times....but nothing new has really happened with them.

Scott (my other brother) is still living in Idaho for the time being. I believe he is planning on coming home soon, we will keep our fingers crossed...with all these boys (4 nephews and counting) we need another uncle to keep them occupied and with Tarryn quickly growing up and turning into a real beauty, Brandon will need help as bodygaurd.

I will get into more details soon...but I am tired this morning and my little brain refuses to function.

XOXO

Neighborhood Bliss.

I found this picture on a friend's FACEBOOK page after this little incident happened and think I need to buy one and hang it on my door.

People need to realize that if you live by people you will at times hear them or thier pets. If you don't want to be disturbed, live in the middle of nowhere.

Yes, I have dogs. Yes, they go outside. But I do not let them out when I am not home and as soon as they start barking I bring them inside. I know my neighbors have kids...we share a driveway after all. I know that when their kids are playing outside that it can become annoying to hear my dogs barking, but come on, calling the police? That is taking things a little far isn't it? But I am honestly not surprised. These are the same neighbors that I go to church with, and since August, when David had some issues, will not speak to us hardly at all. The same neighbors that take their kids inside if my son comes out to play and David is home. Most neighbors would just call me and ask me to bring them in because their kids are asleep and the windows are open, or let me know. But not these neighbors...these neighbors wait until my son has had his tonsils out and I am trying to tend to him, while he is screaming in pain (and no the screaming didn't help the pain and yes the windows were open so they knew I was dealing with something else) to call the police because my dogs are barking (Do you think I can call the police when their kids are screaming in the driveway and Hayden is napping?). Like I need anymore police called to my home. They know what is going on and they still try to rub in in that they are better than I am....like Sunday, the day after the police were called because my dog barked for 3 minutes before I could get to them, they said as I was outside playing with Hayden... "We missed you guys in church today." To which I replied..."well, since my dogs need time to play I stayed home to give them time where they wouldn't be a bother to you...and by the way, your mom almost got towed yesterday, but I ran over and had her move her car before she did." (I have since bought bark collars for my dogs, it is less expensive than a ticket for "Barking Nuisance) Then I smiled and went inside.

Do it yourself or bust.

So, I have taken on the overwhelming task of making my home look like new, even though it is almost 6 years old I think. This all happened when Hayden was playing on the floor in the living room and blended in. The carpet was disgusting. After looking at the carpet under my couch to make sure it wasn't just me, I was shocked...The carpet that had never seen daylight was a nice creamy beige color, the carpet that we all could see was well, here it was pink, there it was black, over there it was an indiscernible color, etc. After talking to my husband, we decided that it was time to replace it. His birthday is this week and we thought we could use the money he gets from my parents, his parents, and me and put it towards *NEW* carpet. This was the choice that caused my downfall. We picked out a nice dark brown *chestnut* carpet, it was my bishop's suggestion, he does carpet. It is lovely. After the price quote David and I thought it would be best to pull out the old carpet ourselves and save some money. Well, I had wanted new paint downstairs since I had moved in, and when we had no carpet...or were trashing what we had, I thought it was the perfect time to paint. But what color(s)? I have red and orange decorations, a sage green couch, black furniture, light sage speckled counters, and a white mantle. This made for an interesting task of picking a color to match everything and I don't like plain at all, so I had to find several colors that coordinated with all those things as well as each other, YA ME! The hardest color to find was red, I wanted an accent wall in red to match my red bathroom, but after 6 places I couldn't find one so I gave up for now. I also was having a hard time finding paint that was neutral and fun. I went to all the regular places and then took a friend's advice and went to Restoration Hardware in Trolley Square. There I picked Sycamore Grove (green) for the kitchen and the wall leading out of the kitchen into the living room and Saffron (a yellow with brown tones) in the rest of the living room and entry way. I did eventually find a red for the fireplace wall, and after 6 coats it looked good.

Well, as I am sure all of you with children can sympathize, painting with a toddler is not an easy task. I tried to keep Hayden occupied as best I could, I hired babysitters and played the TV non stop, but this only worked on the even minutes. While I was painting the wall red, Hayden announced that he wanted to help me. I gave him a toy bucket and duster and told him to paint the green wall again. He was excited and I thought occupied for a while, so I let all my attention focus on the wall. Well, I looked up to find all my outlets untapped and painted bright red. Yikes. I tried to peel off the paint, but on a standard light switch it was impossible. This gave me a new idea, I always wanted the sleeker smooth switches, so I decided to go to Home Depot and buy some to do myself. This would save money I was sure. So 16 trips and 18 hours later, I have 2 switches wired right. 2 out of 10. 1/5th. I am under the impression that the builder had no clue what he was doing, because all the switches are wired a different way. I wonder how this house passed code. LOL. Well, when David get's home from work I will have him sit in the basement and flick the breaker on and off after each switch, that will save me time from running up and down stairs. UGH I need a vacation.

I cannot wait until Wednesday when I get new carpet and can put my living room back together completely, this place is a mess. Two more days...I can do it. Since it will take me that long to finish it all.

I just don't know what I am going to do after I get all of this done.

All By Myself & Mommy's Little Helper

Hayden has a new favorite phrase.
"I do it all by myself." He says this at everything,
"Hayden do you need to go potty?" "Yes, but I do it all by myself."
"Do you want to go to grandma's?" "I do it all by myself."
Of coarse I can't let him do that all by himself,
but he does get to walk up to the door by himself.

Today as I was sitting at the computer Hayden was playing in the backyard. Since we have a small backyard and the computer is by the window I don't mind letting my "Spiderman" child play outside alone. We also have the gate padlocked, not so no one can get in (although that is a bonus), but so Hayden won't just up and walk away. He has done this, the gate latch is higher than he can reach, but he has found ways to get to it (hence the name spiderman).
I watched him drive his car up and down our little hill over and over and he proudly stated that he can do it, "all by myself".
A few moments later he was out of sight doing something else.
Since it is now spring, I have been doing some yard work, mostly planting new grass seed in the holes the dogs have dug up. I had left the bag of dirt and grass seeds out and sealed by the fence he was playing by. Now and again he would come over and yell through the window, "I did it!" "I want to do it again!" Now, although I know my child way to well to ever say this I did it anyway, "Wow, kiddo good job, do it again." After a few times of this I decided to go see what he was doing. To my surprise my 3 year old son had untied the bags of dirt and seeds and filled in several holes just like I had done a few days ago. He had used correct amounts of dirt and seeds and watered them from the dog bowls. How proud I was of my little helper. When saw this he said proudly,
"Mommy, look. I helped you, and I did it ALL BY MYSELF."

Haydenisms

"Um Sure" said in response to most anything when I ask him if he wants something.

"That's right mommy?" said when he confirms what we are doing ..ie.. "Hold mommy's hand in the parking lot, that's right mommy?"

"Say OK Hayden!" said when he asks me to do something he wants to do, most often I can't get him to repeat what he wants but he is always insistent that I say "Ok Hayden."

Funny story...may make some people feel embarrassed read at own risk****


So, one of Hayden's favorite activities is to play horsey on daddy's back. That is all innocent enough, but one day it caused some trouble.

David and I were participating in some quick fun of our own while Hayden was playing in his toy room. We closed the door and made sure we were covered under blankets in case the door were to open. Well mid fun we hear "Horsey!!" and in seconds, to my horror, Hayden was on David's back laughing and tickling him. To my great relief Hayden left without seeing anything he shouldn't and I left completely mortified.

Time to catch up

Well, it's been about three months since I last blogged. I am a slacker I know. A lot has been going on so there is a lot to catch up on.

Hayden was a dragon for Halloween. When it was time to wear his costume to school he didn't want to so he and Corban switched for the day. But for trick-or-treating they were in the right costumes.

Thanksgiving at Hayden's school was a blast. He got to wear a pilgrim's hat and they had a feast. Hayden has learned a lot this year in school and is talking more and more. He loves to be the center of attention. He has gone through 4 pair of gloves and 6 hats at school. It takes them a long time to get put into the lost and found so we have to keep replacing them.










Hayden made his very first Gingerbread House this year. It was quite the mess and very entertaining watching my 3 year old and his daddy fight over who got to do what. Santa was good to Hayden this year. He got a race track, a lot of cars, and a scooter.