Marriage Protection

There are a lot of laws being proposed to "protect" marriage. Protect it from what? The laws want to protect it in such a way to make it just between a man and a woman. That is all fine and good. But what bout protecting the marriages that are already there? Divorce has become so easy in this day and age. File online, no-contest divorce, waive the reconciliation period etc. There are laws that make the destruction of marriage so simple. Almost takes the heartbreak out of it.

I am not saying that people shouldn't be able to get divorced. It is a choice and sometimes needed. In Utah, all that is required before divorce is ONE mediation/counseling session to see if things can be worked out. Do people get along for 1 hour and chose to get married? If not then why can they end it so quickly? I know a lot leads up to getting people to that point, the point where it is easier not to care, but shouldn't there be an all out last ditch effort to avoid it?

My marriage is crap. That isn't news to anyone that is reading this. I am not writing to blame either side for this, it does take two, but it is also supposed to be a relationship where both give 100% 99% of the time. Everyone has times where they need their partner to make up a little bit of the difference but the majority of the time it is even. I also realize that 100% is different for everyone, we all have our weaknesses and shortcomings, but we need to not use those as a reason to minimize what our 100% honestly is.

Yesterday Summer watched Hayden for me (yet again) while I did some stuff for church and went to yet another interview. On one of the many times I went to her house to pick up or drop off my son she told me about a movie she saw last week. The movie is called "Fireproof" and is a low budget christian film. She told me that she would watch Hayden "on the house" if I would go see it with David...I was upset at him at the moment and said that I might just go then, while he was at work, not realizing what the movie was all about. She kindly corrected me and said I should go with him and told me the movie was about a one late ditch effort, putting it all out there, to save the biggest promise of all. A man and his wife were wanting a divorce and his father asked him to put things off for 40 days and do a dare. The dare came in the form of a book called the "Love Dare" (which you can buy at Barnes and Noble) and would take the husband 40 days to complete. Granted he could only control his actions. His wife's choices were out of his control, but he needed to dive into this dare with all he had. The first few days he was in it 1/2 assed (pardon my french) and the rest is in the movie....go watch it.

I called David and we met up at Chili's for dinner. I ran to Barnes and Noble to get the book and a journal on my way, and he kept pestering me about what I bought. I didn't tell him anything more than a vague "a book." As we talked over dinner, I told him I was done. I couldn't keep living like this. It wasn't right and wasn't fair. HE needed to change and hadn't. HE kept lying to me. I got the same response I have received from him for the past year, "things will work out." We went to the movie.

I cried the whole way through. I hadn't just experienced the same frustrations, feelings, and temptations shown in the movie, I am in the middle of them all. At first he put his hand on my leg for "comfort" and gave me the "oh poor baby" look, but as the movie went on and I was crying more and withdrawing from him more because all the feelings were on my sleeve he held on tighter.

We got home and I kept the book in the bag and placed it under the bed. I was going to wait til today to start. I still feel he is the one that has harmed this relationship the most, but this isn't about him, it's about me. Well, I woke up this morning and the book wasn't in the bag. I looked everywhere. I finally found it on his nightstand.

We talked for a minute this morning before he went to work, he read a little bit of it. I asked him if he wanted me to get another copy because you are supposed to write your feelings each day in it...he laughed and asked "When have you known me to write down my feelings." I had a snide comment for him, but as Day 1 of the dare instructs....

Day One~ Say noting negative. If the temptation arises, say nothing at all. It is better to hold your tongue than to say something you will regret later.

So I did. I do not know if this will work. I actually don't have much faith in anything at the moment, but if nothing else, I am sure I will learn something new.

I think everyone should should read this book and try it. It can't hurt anything that is for sure.